20 Helpful Tips On Caring For Elderly Parent/s

This is my mom's version of a wacky shot.

Taking care of elderly parent/s can be both gratifying and tedious. I’ve been taking charge of my mom’s health and welfare since time immemorial and learned so much in the process -- one of which is how our role reversal impacted our way of life and thinking. Clearly, day-to-day experiences vary from one another; there are good days, and there are bad, much like how all of us lead our individual lives. However, being a caretaker to your parent can bring about a myriad of challenges that are unique to the situation. But when your heart is the right place, you’ll eventually know how to deal with these predicaments. In the years that I’ve been taking care of my mom, I’ve come to grips with the fact that I can only do so much. In the end, it’s her life -- you’re just there to help prolong it. With that being said, here are some tips I’ve learned along the way that may help you along your own personal journey.

1. Know exactly what you’re getting yourself into. Taking full responsibility for a parent/s is no joke. There will be sacrifices and decisions made along the way that may be very difficult. Make sure to be ready for the possible scenarios that may come across and be realistic about how to deal with them.

2. Be patient. There is a reason why Geriatrics is given a separate field of study in medicine. Hence, one should deal with the elderly with utmost patience and understanding at all times.

3. Gratitude. Be grateful for the people who help you take care of your parent/s: nurses, caregivers, doctors, therapists, etc. They help make your parent/s’ life better and your workload much easier. Be thankful for your own family as well, for it is they who give you all the support, especially when the days are rough.

4. Try not to bring your issues home to your own family. There will be times when the day’s activities have been too much for you to handle. As tempting as it is, try not to take it out on your own family. Remember, they’re there to support and back you up with your decision of taking the Herculean task of caring for your mom and/or dad, it’s not their fault that you’ve had a bad day, so try to spare them the anxiety.

5. Know when to step back from a situation. The elderly may not always be grateful for the time and effort you give them. There may even be disagreements along the way. For example, when your mom and/or dad disregards doctor’s orders. The initial reaction would be for you to insist on doing what is asked of him/her. I urge you not to. Hear them out and know what the apprehension is all about ... then sleep on it. Wait a while before bringing it up again. Being overly critical of them will make them feel like a helpless child, and suddenly, you’ve transformed into a nagging know-it-all. It doesn’t look good for either one of you.

These are friends for life. My mom is lucky to have the very best of friends anyone could ever ask for, they try to see each other as often as they can.

6. Play deaf and dumb whenever you feel the need. Don’t take everything you hear to heart. Parents don’t like having their children mandate things for them even if it’s for their own good -- they may say things to you that are hurtful. Just turn a deaf ear because they may not be mad at you per se, they’re just not ready to give up the freedom and liberty they’ve been so used to having, and hand over the reigns to their own child.

7. Give the elderly the magic of touch. I always make it a point to give my mom a big hug and kiss whenever I see her or when I'm about to leave, or even hold her hand whenever I tell stories. I remember doing the same with my mom's mom, Lola Itchay and she would be very appreciative of the gesture. More often than not, the elderly would only be held by nurses or caregivers when the need arises. It would be wonderful for them to just be held by the hand or be given a great big hug just for the heck of it.

8. Never take yourself or your own family for granted. Yes, it’s important to take care of an elderly parent/s, but no one’s health is more important than your own. Take a break once in a while -- both of you will benefit from it. Your family is your own personal cheering squad, and their needs definitely come first. When in doubt, choose them.

9. Delegate and ask for help when you need it. You can’t do it all alone. Whenever possible, ask other family members to help along. When you really see the need, and finances are stable, hiring a nurse or caregiver will take an incredible load off your chest.

10. Walk, go out or go on road trips. Being cooped up in the house or a room can make an elderly very anxious. Going outdoors or driving around the city can do wonders. A breath of fresh air does everyone a whole lot of good.

A queen for the day . . .  and every day! My daughter and my mom playing pretend, each with a big smile on their face. — A queen for the day . . . and every day! My daughter and my mom playing pretend, each with a big smile on their face.

11. Communicate. Talk to each other. You may be physically there with your mom and/or your dad, but that doesn’t mean you have your full attention on him/her. Put your phone on silent or turn it off altogether. Spend quality time with them and have meaningful, lasting conversations.

12. Do things together. It would be nice to do something together like taking on an art project. Painting, playing board games; using their hands, in general, will improve dexterity and exercise their minds.

13. Be respectful and open to their needs and wants. Just because they’ve grown old doesn’t mean they’ve lost their credibility. When you feel the need to disagree, don’t just say no. Heed them out first and explain where you’re coming from, then try to reach a compromise.

14. Allow the elderly to make major decisions on how they want to live. At the end of the day, it’s still your parent/s life, you’re just helping them in ways they can no longer do for themselves.

15. Never underestimate the power of prayer. Prayers, faith and your personal relationship with Him are the things that will give you the strength you need to persevere. God always works in wonderful, mysterious ways.

16. Talk about your frustrations, don’t keep it all to yourself. Talk to your good friend about your frustrations, don’t keep them all locked up inside. Venting does help put things into perspective.

17. Call. When there are days that you can’t be with them physically, a simple phone call will do so much. By simply hearing your voice or making them know that you thought about them will make them feel loved, reminding them that they are not alone.

18. Don’t feel guilty. There are times that you just can’t be there for your parent/s. We’re only human and don’t have any special, heroic powers to split yourself into two, so if there’s something that you can’t do for your mom or dad on a particular day, don’t beat yourself up for it.

19. Bring little gifts that make him/her feel special. Even if it’s just a basket of fruits or his/her favorite colored blouse or shirt, bringing a token or a gift will surely bring a smile on their face/s.

20. Encourage other family or friends to visit him/her. Surrounding the elderly with people who they love will be an excellent addition to your regular visits. Sharing stories of the past and reminiscing about the good old days will surely brighten their day. Children, in particular, will always be a sight for sore eyes for the elderly. They seem to bring with them a kind of magic that instantly and positively transforms the them.