Parenting Between Cultures
Raising children in the city is strikingly different from raising children in the province. Much in the same way, parents who raise their children in a specific country will significantly differ from parents who raise their children in another. In this entry, I’d like to share my experience as a family while living with locals in the Austrian countryside to take a closer look at how we raise our children in Manila and vice versa.
My husband and I have always shared the responsibility of parenting our children together, much like our marriage; we tackle each obstacle of parenting our girls with an open heart and mind. When I had my first child, I was the typical, overbearing first-time mother. I made sure that I had everything in order: the crib installed, baby clothes laundered, pressed and stored away ready for use, changing area with the necessary paraphernalia such as wipes and cotton balls, hired the Nanny that would make things easier for me (at least) for the first year. I thought I had the knack of it.
Nothing really prepares you for anything baby-related until you’re faced with that infant in your hands. Liza was born a tad bit smaller than I expected her to be. With her tiny baby self, I was unsure she was actually breathing at all during the night. I quickly grabbed my hand mirror and placed it in front of her face and checked if it fogged up -- I would do this incessantly until I was confident enough with her waking and sleeping patterns. Dealing with Amara was an entirely different ballgame. Amara was born, and I was more relaxed the second time around. I was less paranoid and more confident with my parenting style. However, there were new concerns that I had to deal with, ones that I never developed with Liza. Amara showed signs of inheriting allergic genes from Alex and me; I had to learn new ways of “protecting” my child. Overall, you can say that I have the joined the club of helicopter moms -- most of us are guilty of this at one time or another.
Through the years, Alex and I developed our own unique way of parenting the girls. Being too strict can result in rebellions behavior while having complete lax in discipline also has its own perils. Alex and I deal with parenting on a situational basis, depending on the characteristics and needs of the child. There may be times when a particular disciplinary action may result in an improved outcome for one daughter while doing the same may be detrimental to the other. We have always believed in constant communication, openness, understanding, and patience with the girls -- it’s a juggling act of life that we try our best to sustain. Aside from our shared belief in parenting, external factors always play a role in honing the children – the environment they live in, friends, school, extended family and core beliefs.
Manila-based moms are very familiar with the challenges that lurk in our everyday activities. There’s the never-ending traffic, the long hours of homework, sleep deprivation, ill nourishment, pollution and, let's face it, an underlying sense of uncertainty for the safety for ourselves and our children. Times have changed from how it was 30 years ago, city kids do not have the liberty of riding a bike or walking to and from a friend’s house unless they stay in the same subdivision, and even then, we either go with them ourselves or instruct them to be chaperoned by a nanny. We would never allow them to go on their own alone. Not only are our movements restricted but even our children’s idea of fun has changed. Instead of having a book to keep you company, kids now have the cell phone or a contraption to help pass the time and boredom. Gone are the days when you’d spend the entire day playing outdoors, pretend or cook rice in a traditional palayok (clay pot), making soap from Gumamela flowers or race self-made paper boats along the sides of the streets when the monsoon season would come. These little childhood memories are all but stories now. It’s worlds away from what we know now where children immerse themselves in gadgets and gizmos that are more detrimental to their overall health and welfare.
I feel that moms today have become more involved with their children. Hence branding us as the over-bearing helicopter moms that we’ve become. In our fast-passed life, we do everything possible and give everything we can to sustain the little tykes so much so that they’ve (knowingly or unknowingly) grow up to be a generation of unhealthy, spoiled brats who want instant gratification.
It's time to slow it down and take heed of things.
This is one of the many reasons why Alex and I decided to go for a second trip to Austria with our girls. We want to show them a different way of life and hopefully, learn a thing or two about themselves and others. Alex and I want more for our kids than just being introverts burring their faces in Ipads and tablets. We want to show them how other children halfway around the world spend their time and energy. More importantly, I wanted to let them see and experience for themselves how my childhood was like growing up in Austria, even if it was only for a short while.
Gadget-free and surrounded by nature is something that every child should experience.
HERE ARE MY REFLECTIONS:
Safety and freedom. This is what I’ve sorely missed while living in Maria Anzbach. It was there where I learned what it felt like to be safe and be free -- to go wherever you wanted without parents having to worry whether you’ll be snatched away by some stranger. On our first day, Helena, the youngest child of my classmate Sigrid, asked if I would allow my girls to go to the town center to buy some ice cream. I eagerly said yes! Liza’s eyes widened! She knows that I would never allow her to do anything remotely close to that in Manila. She went up to me and said, “Mom, are you sure you want me, Amara and Helena to walk on our own to the town without adults to buy ourselves some ice cream?” I looked at her lovingly and said, “Yes, you are allowed to go on your own, and I encourage you to do so.” So off they went and enjoyed the experience it brought them. Later I explained that Helena (6) and Vinzenz (8) have been going to school from home on their own since they were five years old. My kids were in disbelief! I added, “Its perfectly fine to go around here on your own and explore the place – so long as you know your way back and ask permission of course.”
In the Austrian countryside, independence is learned by children at an early age. Girls and boys are encouraged to do their own thing and go wherever they please so long as parents know their whereabouts.
Independence and responsibly. Luckily or unluckily for us, depending on how you see it, our Filipino culture has always involved nannies or other caretakers in helping us raise our children, making our roles as mothers easier. Of course, I can't deny that having help dramatically increases my spare time, allowing me to focus on other things, but the absence of one while we were abroad allowed us to bond more as a family and do things together. Helping out with household chores creates a sense of responsibility, this is something I would like to enhance with my kids. Each child is tasked to help around in the house, especially when the guests arrive. Sigrid’s children were happily serving us our meals on the table and cleaned up after themselves. Without any coercion, my kids quickly followed suit and soon we had happy helpers to clean up and get work done.
There isn't a task that is too big for any child in the kitchen. Doing chores and helping around the house is urged and practiced.
Nature at its finest. Living in the countryside in a place such as Austria allows you to soak up the beauty of nature all around. Every place is like a scenic backdrop on the computer. The girls loved playing outdoors exploring all the greenery the Austrian countryside had to give. Children there learn to appreciate their environment and help preserve it for future generations to enjoy. My kids learned how to segregate garbage into separate bins and even go over to the compost plot whenever there was a need to do so.
Sitting amongst wild flowers during springtime is a joy for any child.
Fresh food. As far as I know, the Austrians have been eating organic even before the word became in vogue. No matter how small a garden, rest assured that herbs, greens and fruit trees were planted for personal consumption. My girls had a blast running in the yard, playing ball or by the swing then hopping off to pluck some cherries or strawberries without having the need to wash them then proceeded to play once again.
Here, Leo is helping Amara pick fresh cherries from the backyard, no cleaning or packaging required.
The outdoors, a healthy and active lifestyle. Children in Austria are encouraged to be active in sports and go frolicking in the outdoors as often as they can or as long as the weather allowed them to do so. Especially during the warmer months, dining outdoors is something that the Austrians love to do with their families. Sports play a significant role in a child’s upbringing, kids are encouraged to engage in a sport of their choice.
Austrians love the outdoors and enjoy a healthy and active lifestyle, no matter the season.
Work and life balance. Austrians, like most Europeans, in general, don’t revel in staying long hours at work. Instead, time is spent for family and recreation. My friend comes home from work at 5pm and noon on Fridays at the latest. There are flexible schedules for mothers who choose to work for lesser hours to spend time at home with the children. Much in the same way, children are not given as much homework in school. After school hours are centered on doing extracurricular activities or being home with the family.
No, this game isn't just done during weekends or holidays, family bonding time can be done every single night.
A broad sense of culture and nationalism. Austrian children are highly recommended to incorporate music or art into their extracurricular activities. Liza and Amara were inspired to continue playing the piano and violin respectively after learning about homegrown masters of music such as Mozart and Beethoven. Much like the Filipinos, Austrians are still very much in tune with celebrating age-old traditions and passing it on to future generations.
My friend Leo as St. Nicholas, the Austrian equivalent of Santa Claus for Filipinos.
Common courtesy and respect. Talking to strangers is not only allowed but encouraged. In a small town like Ma. Anzbach, it would be rude to pass person without a usual greeting of Grüß Got. They say that it takes a village to raise a child and in the Austrian countryside, the idea of having a “village” still exists. Parents, neighbors, and friends happily help each other “manage” their kids. It’s like having the entire town as a family that you can rely on.
The parenting style in the Austrian countryside remains the same as it was when I was a kid. There is no such thing as a helicopter mom, (well, at least not amongst my friends) because I feel that there is no need to be one. Children are being raised the same way generations have done it before while incorporating the new. Yes, I’ve seen children use their tablets and cell phones, but they don’t linger in it as long as I’ve seen some children do. What I’ve experienced are kids who are still on their bikes, playing outside with friends, and enjoying the joys of childhood.
Despite all the differences in culture and attitude, in the end, all mothers want the best for their children. And although we can’t readily apply how Austrians, (or how other nationalities) raise their children here in Manila, we can most certainly bring back the characteristics and ideas that may help make us become better parents.
This entire exercise has made me conclude with a singular idea ... simplicity. The simple way of life surrounded by family and friends is what truly matters -- for any child. Going back to our roots where there were little or no gadgets and more talking, spending time with each other, and encouraging a healthy lifestyle. We as parents should be visual examples of family core values such as trust, respect, responsibility, and independence -- a balance of the new and the old – these are all groundwork to help raise a child in this modern society. It is a conscious effort on our part as parents to adapt to this ever-changing lifestyle without losing the ideas that make us who we are as individuals, in hopes that our children will see and practice the same when they too become parents themselves.
Moms and parents out there, tell me, what is your personal style when it comes to parenting?
